Blue Lenor is the scent that immediately transports me to my mothers house. Memories of her are tied up in the olfactory trigger I usually avoid when perusing the multiple varieties of fabric softner in the supermarket aisle. I bought it on purpose yesterday, leaving the warmth of a rare sunny day in London for … Continue reading FFS… I need a…
I want to feel 'hope'... hopeful... that hopefully... one day... I sit in front of my Gohonzan, candles lit, incense burning, legs folded, plant, water, beads. I stare at the mandala in its white wooden Butsudan (cabinet for mandala; Gohonzan) hoping for some strength to return to my being. Hopeful if I chant for long … Continue reading Hope?
Four hours... four hours to convince myself to leave the house yesterday to attend a family 'Holy Communion' mass followed by a party. Totally missed the church service faffing around and swinging between anxious - shouty - tearful - in what seemed to send me spinning about like a weird dented tin top. Eventually (after locking … Continue reading It’s raining in my head
My youngest daughter is confident, outgoing, smart and creative. She is also very determined, stubborn, emotional and wilful. I am ... most of the time... able to channel the onset of her many tantrums but there are times (OK frequently - I'm being honest) when I am unable to do this. She will have tantrums … Continue reading Bad Mother?
Today was my first day back at work, back in the class room in over a month. I had decided to stop taking meds and although I have had several 'melt downs' in the last month, I had convinced myself that I was on track and skipping along the road of recovery. WELL!!! Surprisingly that … Continue reading “I just need a minute…”